Heroic dosages

Substance: Psilocybin mushrooms
Dosage: 5g liberty caps, dried,
Setting: Alone in my home.

So.. I’ve been experimenting a lot with Psilocybin mushrooms over the last year, never going higher than 2g dosages, and a lot of the times having wonderful trips around the 1.6g.
However I got inspired by watching an MMA fighter talking about the bigger dosages, and for some reason that evening, after having meditated for a good 3hours and doing a lot of Pranayama and yoga, I felt in the right state to go for a bigger dosage…
I want to add here, than I never Mix, my trips with alcohol, tobacco or other substances. In fact I haven’t been drinking and smoking for over 10 years. I try to keep my mind as clear as possible, so that I can receive the teachings in as clear and unbiased way as possible.
Anyway, back to the evening… I went to my kitchen where I found my food processor, I had a can of orange juice and I went in to weigh a powerful dosage of liberty caps, which I had picked myself earlier that year. 5g looks like an awful lot, it might have been a bit more, but anyway I emptied the bag full of goodies, down into my blender.
I started pouring it down; it was a lot of mushrooms floating on top of the drink. I had to chew my way thru them, and I remember having difficulties getting them all down. But I knew that I should drink everything now and then or not be able to do it later on. So down it went.

The effect came quite rapidly, I started feeling something already after 15-20min, and it’s like this inner light inside of me, at the end of a tunnel, coming closer and closer to me.
In the beginning it was really nice, but later on it was as if my brain was invaded by cartoonish figures, usually during these meditations I have a great sense of control over where I’m being taken. But this time, it was outside of my control to a very large extended. I remember getting paranoid; my room started looking like a jungle, funny creatures and wines all over the place. My rational brain told me to cool down, as I clearly was seeing stuff due to the active substance. My other part of my mind freaked out to a high degree. Usually I can open my eyes and the world looks normal, I only have inner visions, but with this dosage, the visions pertained to my waking reality. I remember going to the bathroom, and I wanted to vomit to get out of the state, but I already knew that the effect had me by then. So I partly surrendered to the process. It was as if I didn’t see the physical reality any longer, but the energetic one lying right beyond it. Stuff in the toilet and in the sink, would move around, but it sure wasn’t water… also the walls were moving.
So I went back to my room, and lay in my bed, Then it was as if my brain started to short-circuit itself, and somehow I continuously went to a state where I was about to stop existing. It was extremely terrifying, and at the same time oddly beautiful. There would come these sounds that would kind of collapse into themselves around my head, together with a whitish light, that would collapse and expand, in rapid waves. I felt that if this happened I would kinda of die, or stop existing. Also I realized that my whole reality, including all the people that I knew, where only existing inside my head. On top of that I had the ability to change night and day at will. It was kinda like the Trumanshow, only that everything was going on inside your head. I also had the epiphany that the only thing holding me bound here to this manifestation is the collective belief that this IS REALITY. It clearly wasn’t, when I closed my eyes the real reality dawned on me. I felt that I was gonna die, and was deadly scared. I wasn’t ready for this yet, so I started praying to god, to keep in this albeit very limited and dim version of reality. I guess my ego was too strong to allow for my soul to let go in this moment.
It took me over 24h to recover, and it was fundamentally shaking my worldview after that.

I will settle for lesser dosages, for the next times i'm gonna go for another experience.
Peace out :)

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